you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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