I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
