I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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