This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Even my vagina gasped.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
