Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
