All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
