Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
