I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
