She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
