Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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