next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
