i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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