She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
