i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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