Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
