the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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