Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
