oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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