some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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