I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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