Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
