It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
