u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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