So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
