Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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