she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
