someone threw a dead crab at me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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