New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
