Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she told me i tasted like america
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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