birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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