while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
