I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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