I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize