I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
