I have demons in me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
