im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize