he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
