Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
