I hate your face
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
