Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
