I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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