i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
