Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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