I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
