we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
