and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize