You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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