I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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