Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Randomize
