tell your sister to shave her snatch
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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