She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
