my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
