His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
