she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
