I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
