I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Still dying that you shit outside
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
