My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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