she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
