he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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