i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
