it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Randomize
