There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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