I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
