It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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