I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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