Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
