Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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