if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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