my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
