Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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