there's paper in my vomit.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
